It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
