Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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