i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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