Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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