Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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