He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize