So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
