what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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