just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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