This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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