If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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