I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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