Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
