thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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