She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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