He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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