Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
