glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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