i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
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