i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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