Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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