My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
