After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we made out on top of his cat.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
