youre lurking in front of me
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
