East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
