i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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