I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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