her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
