Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm sobbing to NWA
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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