I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
