Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
