the condom got lost in my hair
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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