She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
