maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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