i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
