I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
