What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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