You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
