I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
