So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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