her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
