tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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