I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
