it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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