But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize