I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize