theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Randomize
