Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize