Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
