my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize