I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
