i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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