This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
