If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
