Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize