3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
