Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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