therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
