considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
