I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
