1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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