omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
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