he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
