It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
