yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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