I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
